Category Archives: Caregiver

Barbara and Al Webb’s continuing story

Posted on May 10, 2013 | Leave a comment

Friends and Family,

It’s time to start this blog back up as we approach the 2013 Walk to End Alzheimer’s on Sept. 7.  It’s also time for you to sign up your teams at http://act.alz.org/site/TR/Walk/KY-GreaterKentuckyandSouthernIndiana?fr_id=3390&pg=entry, so you can begin your fundraising.

Meanwhile, here is a post from our dear friend, Barbara Webb with an update on her husband, Al:

 

I am happy to report that Al’s health has not deteriorated significantly, but there are enough changes that make daily life quite frustrating for both him and me.  Can you imagine going to the basement refrigerator only to get there and have to go back upstairs and ask what you were supposed to be getting? How would you react when there is a simple task you have completed many times in your life but now you can no longer figure out the sequence of directions nor even be able to understand the directions?  Would it scare you when you can no longer totally follow a television show or even a conversation among friends?  Welcome to Al’s world and the world of all Alzheimer’s patients.  I can’t speak for what goes through his mind, but I do know what goes through mine – frustration with my inability to help him more, sadness at what we have lost, fear of the unknown and future.  I try to remain calm and patient and remember above all else, he can’t help himself-it’s the disease.  But it isn’t easy for me, either, just as it isn’t easy for any caregiver. To see my strong, educated husband say to me that he is stupid tears my heart out.  He isn’t stupid; this disease is slowly shrinking his brain and not allowing him to think and remember as he used to.  When he asks me the same question over and over again and I want to scream, I have to take that deep breath and tell him one more time the answer to his question. I try to remain calm and loving because if I have learned one thing it is that it doesn’t help to raise my voice and you can’t argue with an Alzheimer’s patient.  It only exacerbates the situation and leads to more frustration.  Notice I used the word “try” to remain calm, but I haven’t totally accomplished that feat.  (Being a Type A doesn’t help, either.) And I know it is me that needs to do the changing because unfortunately, Al is not able to do that anymore.

 

I have read over and over again how caregivers need to care for themselves, but find it so difficult to do.  It seems there are very few moments for myself and when there are sometimes I am too tired to do anything but collapse in my easy chair.  But our therapist has helped me realize this needs to be a priority in my life, so I am trying to follow through on this.  I love massages so I have made a commitment to get a massage once a month.  (I signed a yearly contract so I would have to follow through!) I am also making a more concerted effort to say no when outside obligations are asked of me. (I haven’t fully accomplished that one.)  And I am being more forthcoming in asking help from family and friends.  I still try to make time for a mini “Shabbat” (a joyful time of rest) but that doesn’t happen as regularly as I would like. 

 

One thing I hope all caregivers take advantage of are the many workshops, programs, articles, books that are available to us.  If you are ever able to see Teepa Snow speak, don’t walk but run to her.  She is a very knowledgeable professional who speaks with much humor and love. (That is where I learned that the brain actually shrinks during the progression of Alzheimer’s, not just plaque buildup.)  I highly recommend the Best Friends Approach to dealing with Alzheimer’s.  This approach helps to enhance the lives of those living with Alzheimer’s and their caregivers’ lives as well.  The hope is that we will be able to turn from frustration and despair to joy and hope.  ”A Dignified LIfe-The Best Friends Approach to Alzheimer’s Care” by Virginia Bell and David Troxel, is a wonderful book that has helped me immensely in trying to continue to allow Al to lead a life of dignity and hope while keeping our relationship in tact as much as possible. Alzheimer’s Association has many enlightening programs for whatever stage your loved one is in.  You can get on their mailing list or email list and learn about all of the programs that are available in your area.  (www.alz.org)

 

Although we face the fact that we may need to place Al in a facility someday if I can no longer care for him, we are both committed to keeping him at home as long as possible.   As I have said many times, Al is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I wouldn’t change my life with him for anything in the world.  I daily live by the scripture verse Philippians 4:13 – I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.  And a little humor never hurts – It is so difficult to remember when you are up to your ears in alligators that your initial task was to drain the swamp. Oh my goodness, welcome to the world of Alzheimer’s and caregiving!!! 

 

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Posted in Caregiver, Living with Alzheimer's, personal stories, Walk to End Alzheimer's

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Teri Shirk on Managing Holiday Expectations

Posted on December 14, 2012 | Leave a comment

Making the Holidays Enjoyable When a Loved One has Alzheimer’s

A Guest Post By Teri Shirk

 With all their potential for joyous reunions with beloved family members and friends, the holidays also can generate a great deal of angst at the prospect of visiting a loved one diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease or another memory disorder.  The upcoming visit may lead to several questions:

  •  How should I respond when Aunt Mary tells the same story over and over, or when she forgets who I am?
  • How can I help Dad deal with his anger and frustration over Mom’s behavior?
  • What can I suggest to my young children and teens to help them enjoy the visit with Grandpa?

Spending time, even just a few hours, with someone who has Alzheimer’s can be stressful without some advance preparation to manage expectations and develop a list of activities and conversation topics. The goal is to create conditions where everyone – the patient and the visitors – can experience the pleasure of just being together.

A pre-visit discussion (in person, by phone or on the internet) among those who will be joining the person with Alzheimer’s can help set expectations and plan activities. Agree to keep in mind that the priority is to ensure that the person with Alzheimer’s has a good time – whether that means enjoying the entire visit or just experiencing a few, separate moments of joy while you’re together – and that achieving this goal may require some adjustments to the family’s traditional celebration activities. For example:

  •  Stick to the loved one’s current routine so that the visit isn’t disruptive or confusing. Big surprises don’t always work well for a person with Alzheimer’s.
  • Consider changing the traditional family Christmas dinner to a brunch or lunch, when Aunt Mary is less tired.
  • Reduce the number of people in the gathering, and allow others to help by bringing food.
  • Focus on activities that are meaningful to the loved one, such as having a holiday sing-a-long of familiar tunes; reading short, well-known holiday stories; or looking through photo albums.
  • Plan time for breaks, rest and respite throughout the holiday preparations – for yourself, for the loved one with Alzheimer’s, and for the loved one’s caretaker. For extended visits, slip away for a few minutes or a few hours when you can to regain your perspective.
  • Allow Grandma or Grandpa to help in a way they can be successful, whether it’s setting the table (who cares if the fork ends up on the right or if you have to get up during dinner to retrieve a forgotten utensil?), helping wrap gifts (if cutting and taping is too difficult, try suggesting he or she put stick-on bows onto gifts) or decorating cookies or the tree.

If your loved one lives in a care facility, think about celebrating by joining activities already planned by the facility, or by bringing a long-favorite dish to enjoy together.  Come prepared with a few much-loved family holiday stories to re-tell or a few traditional songs to sing.

Even in the early stages of Alzheimer’s, the loved one may repeat himself often or have trouble following conversations.  If telling a story again and again makes Aunt Mary smile or even laugh out loud, or if the inaccurate facts she keeps repeating are not relevant to how she feels at that moment, the best reaction may be simply to enjoy the retelling and ignore the discrepancies.  It may help to remember that Grandpa’s behavior, mood and memory changes are due to the disease, and not something that he can consciously correct. Once lost, the brain connections destroyed by Alzheimer’s don’t repair themselves. Over time, Mom simply does not realize her missteps; correcting or berating her will not help improve her memory.

For loved ones you don’t regularly see, determining whether the memory loss is due to Alzheimer’s or another condition can be difficult.  The Alzheimer’s Association posts numerous resources on its website, www.alz.org, including the 10 signs of Alzheimer’s and the seven stages of the disease.

The Association also offers Alzheimer’s Navigator™ (www.alzheimersnavigator.org), an online tool to help caregivers and people with dementia evaluate their needs, identify action steps and connect with local programs and services. Users can reassess needs and adjust care plans as the disease progresses. Additionally, a social networking community called ALZConnected™ (www.alzconnected.org) enables caregivers and people with dementia to connect and communicate with others who understand their challenges 24 hours a day. Members can pose questions, offer solutions, create public and private groups and contribute to message boards. The Alzheimer’s Association also operates a 24-hour helpline at 1-800-272-3900.

Living with Alzheimer’s peaceably often means just enjoying the moment at hand. And when it comes to spending time with family and other loved ones, that may be the best advice of all.

Teri Shirk is President and CEO of the Alzheimer’s Association of Greater Kentucky and Southern Indiana.

 

 

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If It Were Just the Memory Loss

Posted on August 27, 2012 | 2 Comments

Dear friends and family,

At a brainstorming meeting for Louisville Walk to End Alzheimer’s team captains last week, I talked with a woman who had just lost her husband at age 60 to Alzheimer’s disease. So much for the concept that Alzheimer’s is only about older people who will be dying soon anyway.

That sounds really harsh, and perhaps a bit bitter, I know. But that concept is one of the barriers we face in raising awareness and money for Alzheimer’s research and support services.  Here is my response:

1.  Early onset Alzheimer’s can affect people even in the 40s. The woman whose husband passed away in July said he was diagnosed at age 54. While our family was devastated at the loss of my mother-in-law who suffered 13 years with Alzheimer’s before her death at age 91 last week, I am grateful for the 20+ additional memory-intact years we had with her that my new friend was unable to have with her husband.

2. The memory loss is just one aspect of the disease.  Other symptoms of Alzheimer’s can include personality changes that make caring for your loved one incredible difficult.  Anger, aggressiveness and severe depression are just some of these symptoms.  There’s also the embarrassment of having to have assistance with eating, toileting and other personal care - these experiences can lead to uncharacteristic outbursts  of frustration that grow more and more common, and often more severe, as the patient continues to lose functionality.

There are medications that help slow some of Alzheimer’s disease’s symptoms, and they are  a huge blessing.  To date, however, there is not one drug that can slow the progression of the actual disease itself.  So, as of now, once the connections inside the brain of the Alzheimer’s patient are broken, they cannot be mended. Retraining eventually becomes impossible as more and more connections are destroyed.

3.  And then there are the dangers that become more and more serious as the person with Alzheimer’s continues through the later stages of the disease.  A dear friend of mine had to lock all of the exterior doors in her home so that her husband, who had been a nuclear physicist for NASA, wouldn’t wander away and get lost.  Imagine having to child-proof your home to protect your formerly brilliant spouse from going out to work in his garden.

4.  Alzheimer’s doesn’t just affect the person who has the disease. As with other diseases, it affects the whole family, including the spouse or child who is often the primary caregiver.  While more than 80,000 Kentuckians have Alzheimer’s today, there are nearly 265,000 family members and friends who are providing care for someone with Alzheimer’s in Kentucky, according to the Alzheimer’s Association.

If it were just the memory loss, that would be sad enough. But it’s the loss of dignity, the personality changes, the danger of wandering away or eating something bad for you or forgetting how to swallow that make Alzheimer’s so insidious. It is the inability to say goodbye. It’s the thousands of unpaid hours of care in a situation that, as of now, can only end in death.

The purpose of my blog is to help increase understanding of what Alzheimer’s is and how it really affects the individual who has been diagnosed, as well as his or her friends and family members.  I also hope to encourage more people to get involved. If you haven’t already, please visit www.alz.org to learn more. Thank you.

Sincerely,

Bonnie

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Posted in Caregiver, early onset, Living with Alzheimer's, personal stories, Research, Statistics

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Arguing With Someone Who Has Alzheimer’s

Posted on June 18, 2012 | 5 Comments

Dear Family and Friends,

My friend, Barb Webb, whose husband has Alzheimer’s, offers another look into living with a loved one who has Alzheimer’s.  Today, she talks about the frustration and futility — and sadness — of arguing with Al.

Sometimes it’s very hard to read what Barb writes. Her honesty is raw and painful.  I appreciate her so much for her openness, however, and I think you will as well.

From Barb:

I think the dynamics of arguing are interesting.  Each couple argues in their own unique way.  But those dynamics can change, especially when dealing with someone who has Alzheimer’s.

 For example, I was raised in a family of “yellers”.  When I would be in a heated argument, I would yell, always being careful to try and not yell anything I couldn’t take back, but yelling just the same.  Al’s attitude has always been, “I will be glad to discuss this issue with you when you can calm down and be rational.”  Rational, passional, I wanted to get it off my chest in the way I was always used to doing.  But over the years, Al’s way of dealing with disagreements rubbed off on me and most of the time, I calmed down and then discussed this with him.  I have to admit, it is the best way to deal with problems – much better than yelling and not really accomplishing anything.  But now that Al has Alzheimer’s our roles have changed. 

 Al is always wanting to help me.  That hasn’t changed.  Most of the time, I am very grateful for that, but when it comes to the kitchen therein the problem lies.  We have a V-shaped corner where our sink is located, so for the two of us to be working in that area is quite difficult.  Usually when he asks how he can help, I tell him to wait until I am done doing whatever I am doing and then he can do a task I need completed.  But tonight he just wouldn’t get the idea.  He asked three times while three times I told him to wait until I was done rinsing the dishes and then when I started to wash them he could dry.  By the 3rd time, I was frustrated and he was mad.  He started arguing with me that I was controlling and not letting him help.  I tried again (calmly) to explain everything to him.  It only made him madder and by the time he was done, he was going to sleep in the other bedroom and never talk to me or try to help me again.  I have to be honest.  I told him that was fine with me.  I know I should have stayed calm, but I was at my wit’s end.  Of course, the only thing that accomplished was me washing AND drying the dishes myself. 

 I am currently at my computer and he is sitting in the family room not sure what happened.  After I am done here, I will go to him and just start talking normally because already he doesn’t remember the argument.  That is the only good thing about Alzheimer’s – I can finally argue my heart out and yell and within five minutes he doesn’t remember any of it, I feel so much better and life goes on.   

 I, too, was raised in a family of “yellers.” Well, in truth, my mom and I were the yellers and my Dad was always very calm. In the tradition of marrying someone like your father, I married a very calm man who is always willing to discuss everything — even things about which we strongly disagree — with reason and love. 

Sometimes that’s very frustrating!!! Ha!

Barb’s scenario is frightening to me. It’s my husband’s mom who has Alzheimer’s, and my sweet husband who is at greatest risk for the disease in our family. Dave also is a huge help around the house….and our 26-year marriage is filled with doing almost everything together. Grocery shopping, laundry, changing sheets… .

Will I be living Barb’s scene in 20 years? Sooner?

I am selfish. I want a retirement filled with travel, visiting kids and grandkids, and enjoying more one-on-one time with the man who has filled my life with wonder at the kindness and generosity present in this world.

That’s why I will participate in the WALK TO END ALZHEIMER’S this year. To work toward my dream of a long, loving retirement with my husband.

Sincerely,

Bonnie

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Walk Recruitment Event Makes Alzheimer’s Even More Personal

Posted on May 24, 2012 | 5 Comments

Dear Family and Friends,

As involved as I am in the Alzheimer’s Association of Greater Kentucky and Southern Indiana, I hear a lot of statistics about the disease.  Did you know that there were 80,000 Kentuckians with Alzheimer’s in 2011, and that more than 264,000 family members and friends provided these persons with more than 300,000 hours of unpaid care?

But here’s  where it gets personal. So far this spring, I have attended two community events to recruit teams for the Walk to End Alzheimer’s in Louisville on Sept. 8 and, without fail, every single person we talk to at these events has been affected in some way by Alzheimer’s disease.  For some, it was a grandmother or grandfather who had died, or was currently struggling with the disease. Several people had lost their husband or wife. For others, it was a friend, some close, some more distant.  One gentleman at a Farmer’s Market last Saturday first answered “no” when I asked him if he knew someone who was affected…but then he backpedalled and said, “Oh yes, yes I do,” as his face took on a sadness in stark contrast to the sunny morning in St. Matthews.

That same Saturday, a woman about my age and I shared stories about our mothers-in-law.  And we both lamented that Alzheimer’s is one of the top 10 causes of death in the United States for which there is no cure. How can that be the case, so many years after the disease was identified? Yet, to date, there is not even a treatment to stop the progression of the disease as it creeps through the brain, destroying both cherished memories and practical knowledge. There are treatments for symptoms, but nothing to stop it or cure it.

One woman did pull me aside and say that all disease, including Alzheimer’s, was the victims’ own fault for not taking care of themselves.  She proudly stated that she was 76 years old and was in perfect health, thanks to her lifestyle choices.

I suppose nothing will change that woman’s mind, but I would like to have seen the conversation between her and my mother-in-law before Mom was diagnosed.  Mom may have been subtle and even proper in sharing her points of view, but she would never have let that woman walk away without setting her straight.  I might have argued more vehemently with the woman, had I not been so shocked, and then saddened by her mindset.

Mom has had high cholesterol throughout all the years I’ve known her. She was born with the propensity for it, and until she started losing her memory and ability to take care of herself, she took every precaution advised by her doctor. She took her medication religiously. She rarely ate an egg, and she watched her weight and exercised.  I don’t remember her ever being sick, in fact.  She was one of the healthiest persons I had ever known. Yet she counted that as a blessing, rather than something she’d earned.

Yes, diet and lifestyle may reduce the risk of getting Alzheimer’s disease.  But, if everywhere you look and everyone you meet has been touched by the disease in some way, we begin to understand that we have to do more to stop it. We have to find a cure.

For me, like so many of you, Alzheimer’s is personal. My husband’s grandmother suffered dementia, although we don’t know if it was Alzheimer’s. And now his mother is in the final stages.  I don’t want him to suffer the indignity and loss that always comes with this disease. And I don’t want our children to suffer that either.

I suspect Alzheimer’s is personal for you as well. Let’s do something about it. Let’s Walk to End Alzheimer’s on Sept. 8.

Sincerely,

Bonnie

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Honorees at Making Memories Event Pictured in Business First

Posted on April 27, 2012 | Leave a comment

Business First re Making Memories Louisville 4-27-12

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Being a Face for Alzheimer’s Association

Posted on April 25, 2012 | Leave a comment

Dear Family and Friends,

Last Friday evening, members of the 2012 Louisville Walk to End Alzheimer’s committee had the privelege of staffing a Walk  information and registration table at the Louisville Bats game.  We signed up several teams and handed out post cards about the Walk and about the Association’s services to lots more. We met our goals, so I could have gone home merely satisfied.

Instead, I went home absolutely fulfilled. 

First, my husband and I got to spend time with Barb and Al Webb. Al was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s a few years ago and he and Barb moved back to Louisville from Florida so they could be closer to family as they navigate life with this disease. What a truly delightful couple. Al’s cheerful attitude, punctuated by dimples and rosy cheeks, washes over you as you chat with him. Barb, too, carries her knowledge of Al’s condition with a hopeful demeanor. Behind the scenes, they’re clearly aware of the issues to come – financial, emotional, physical.  But they’re surely channeling their concerns to make a difference by sharing their story and volunteering on behalf of the Association.

Second, we were able to speak with others who are facing the disease, or who have lost a loved one to Alzheimer’s.  Without fail, everyone we spoke with who had been touched by Alzheimer’s wanted to share their story. One gentleman told us of his wife, diagnosed in her 50s and taken away from him by age 61. He didn’t have to be cheerful with us, and my heart broke for him as he shared his story.

Later, a friend of mine stopped by. When I asked her if she knew someone with Alzheimer’s, she cast her eyes down and said she thought her husband might have the disease.  It felt good to share with her the services and information that are available from the Kentucky and Southern Indiana Chapter of the Alzheimer’s Association.  She made a donation, too. I’m so grateful, and I hope shes reaches out to the Association.

From time to time, some children who were watching the game stopped by the table to see what we were giving away.  They were silly and carefree, running quickly on when they discovered we had nothing for them.  One young boy lingered just long enough to say that his grandmother has Alzheimer’s, however. He said it makes his mom sad. And then he, too, was on his way to catch up with friends

The Bats ended their evening with a loss, but I walked away with a winning feeling.  I had the opportunity to talk with some people who are facing this devastating disease, to share some stories and to offer a little helpful information.  I’ll be thinking about the people we talked with, and keeping them in my prayers.

Members of the 2012 Louisville Walk to End Alzheimer’s committee will be at two more Louisville Bats games in the coming months – May 27 and July 6. We’ll also be at the St. Matthews Farmer’s Market on May 19. Please stop by and let us sign you up for the Walk to End Alzheimer’s.  Those who sign up on the spot and donate $25 will have the chance to win a Kindle Fire e-reader. 

Or you can always go online right now and sign up. The new registration site makes it very easy.  Here is the link: http://act.alz.org/site/PageServer?pagename=walk_homepage 

Sincerely,

Bonnie

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Living with Alzheimer’s “not for sissies”

Posted on April 3, 2012 | 2 Comments

Dear Family and Friends,

Al Webb has Alzheimer’s. To help raise awareness and understanding, he shares his story at various Alzheimer’s events. Below are his remarks at a legislative rally in Frankfort in January.

A couple of things about his remarks stand out for me. 

First, Al was shocked by the diagnosis…he never thought Alzheimer’s would happen to him. There was no family history of the disease.

I have no history of Alzheimer’s in my family either…a lot of cancer, but no Alzheimer’s. As active as I am in trying to raise awareness of the disease on behalf of my mother-in law, I am now feeling a little big shell-shocked as I consider the possibility that this devastating disease could affect me, my siblings or my children. Every time I forget things these days, my private joke about my worsening memory is a little less funny.

Second, Al is focused on his family and how glad he is to be back in Kentucky so he can be near them. The recent Facts & Figures report from the Alzheimer’s Association found that one in seven persons with Alzheimer’s lives alone, and half of them don’t have an identified caregiver.  How frightening. I am grateful for Al’s reminder about why we need to fight harder to find a cure for this awful disease.

My name is Al Webb. Barbara, my wife, & I have lived in Ky. for 9 years; 8 years previously and 1 year since our return.  Our children & grandchildren all live in Crestwood, Ky.

We both know that if a cure is not found we will need more help from family in the future.

That plus our grandchildren asking “Could you come to Ky. and live closer to us?” was all we needed to return.

As for my career, I spent the majority of it in Human Resources, first as a recruiter, then as Mgr. of HR, and finally as Director of HR in Delaware.  I was responsible for sites in Texas, Canada, Delaware and Il.

I earned a lot of air miles.

Barbara & I were retired in Fl. when I was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. Barbara was the one who suggested I see a doctor because I was repeating myself & forgetting things we had just discussed.

She was absolutely correct.

After seeing a neurologist & having a Petscan, a diagnosis of Alzheimer’s was confirmed.

We were totally shocked & devastated.  I couldn’t seem to get past thinking about where this all would go someday and Barbara couldn’t get past wanting her old life back again.

It never occurred to me that I would ever be diagnosed with AD.  My grandfather, father & at least 2 of my uncles had Parkinson’s disease so my worry for years was that I, too, would develop Parkinsons. You can imagine my surprise at my diagnosis of AD.

Slowly we adjusted to the diagnosis and started working our way out of the “funk”.

It continues to be a daily challenge.  Staying focused, processing through a task, remembering conversations that were just discussed can all be difficult at times.

Our decision to move back to Ky. proved to be the best decision we have ever made.

We love watching our grandchildren grow up and mature. I especially enjoy attending some of the activities in which they are involved. We have watched track & cross country meets, swim meets and piano lessons.

What a joy it is to be a part of their lives.

It is also a joy to be near our children & their spouses, knowing we can call on them whenever we need them.  And we have done so in the past year.

I now know why my grandfathers used to say “Whatever you do…keep the family together!”

I cannot imagine doing anything else.

The biggest change for me is not being able to rely on my memory which at times does not function very well. So I rely more on family for help.

Living with Alzheimer’s is definitely not for sissies.

My medications are quite expensive, even with the assistance of health insurance and Medicare.  Prior to having Alzheimer’s I took 0 medications.  The 2 medications that I now I take for Alzheimer’s cost so much that in 2010 I was in the donut hole by July. And that is with a drug plan.  I can’t imagine how anyone affords these medications without insurance. Thank goodness Aricept has recently been released as a generic drug.

I’m certain that there will be more expenses in the future in regards to medication and my care.

I would be most appreciative if the legislature would help bring down some of the outrageous costs of medications and ensure that programs that are in place continue.

Thank you for allowing me the time to speak to you today.

Thank you, Al, for being willing to share your story.  I know it can make a difference.

Bonnie

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What it means to be a professional caregiver

Posted on March 21, 2012 | 2 Comments

Dear Family and Friends,

My  husband and I feel extremely blessed every time we think about the people who work at the skilled nursing facility where Mom lives.  The CNAs (Certified Nursing Assistants, who make up most of the people who interact with Mom at the home on a daily basis) are always cheerful, pleasant and engaged.  I can’t help but think that maintaining that demeanor is difficult when caring for so many individuals who, on many days, aren’t sad or happy or appreciative or angry or anything in between – if they’re like Mom, they’re mostly just there. Existing, but no longer appearing to experience emotions like joy and gratitude and peace.

But today I was reading a blog post (http://joesteier.com/2011/12/05/becoming-a-cna/)  by Joe Steier, President and CEO of Signature HealthCARE, a nursing home company based here in Louisville. Steier recently went back to school to earn his CNA, and then he spent several days working in one of his facilities.

Steier said he did this not “to copy [the TV show] ‘Undercover Boss’ but [as] a quest to understand ‘The Work’ by overcoming my own inner fears about being that close to all of it, including the most vulnerable of times and the inability to do the simplest things—brushing teeth, going to the bathroom . . . .”

Mom lives 400 miles away, so my husband and I have never provided daily care for her.  The only member of our immediate family who did that for her was Dad, and the fact that he hid her condition from his children for so very long is, to me, yet another indication of how much he loved her. He clearly knew, long before we did, that her memory lapses were more than just forgetfulness. But he fought every day, even after she was diagnosed, to stay with her, to sit side by side on the same couch, to eat at the same table, to sleep in the same room. He helped her with those basic, but very personal hygiene and daily living tasks, never letting the sometimes-arduous effort diminish his love and respect for her.

In his blog post, Steier talks about what it was like to provide that kind of personal care for people he didn’t know well. I deeply appreciate that the CEO of a $700 million company would take the time to come to know his “customers” by serving them.  Certainly, his employees must appreciate his efforts. And perhaps those residents whose memories still enable them to understand what he did also appreciate the effort.

It doesn’t matter though…whether the residents appreciated it or not, they deserve to live in a home run by a company whose CEO truly understands what happens in their lives on a moment-by-moment basis. A CEO who respects them as individuals.

Steier’s final paragraph showed me that he does, in fact, love the people his company serves: ”After two days and 16 hours on the job, I wanted to go back a third day, to be with the precious, the worn, the grateful, the vulnerable and listen and love all over again. One look of joy or a smile of gratitude was all it took to fall in love with each resident I had the privilege to serve. And I wanted to serve them—even the hard doing because what they gave in their frail strength of love and appreciation was even more than I was able to give. Simply said, they, our people, our revolution, the aged and the vulnerable are worth it. They just are.”

Sincerely, Bonnie

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